Why She's Glad She Didn't Flirt

  I had the awesome privilege of spending a couple of days with a married friend of mine that I hadn’t had much contact with since she’d married, and we talked a lot about a lot of things, including her relationship. I’d like to share her story, and the lessons we can draw from it.

     She met this guy when she was eleven, and liked him. For years, she battled with a crush towards this guy, and all the doubts that come with a crush. Does he know I exist? Would he ever consider me? Will I ever be good enough for him?
        The natural thing to do in a case like this, is to want to make sure the guy knows you exist. We don’t call it flirting typically, but in a sense, that’s what it is. We make ourselves known to him. We might not bat our eye-lashes or giggle excessively, but we behave in a way that will draw his attention to ourselves. We subtly place ourselves in conversations just to ensure that he can’t miss us. We find excuses to text him, to end up sitting by him, to hold conversations near him, in the hopes that he’ll overhear and get to know us.
       But my friend, she didn’t do these natural things. Instead, she took her natural desires, and channeled them in the right direction. She prayed for him, she sought God, and she strove to become a godly woman that a man like him would want. She didn’t know if he would ever look at her, but she knew that she wanted what was best for him, and she asked God to guide him. She knew she wanted to marry a man with character like him, so she strove to become the kind of woman that a godly man would want.
        Did she want him to notice her? Absolutely, but she knew that if she tried to make sure he knew she was there, and he decided to go for her, then she’d always wonder if she’d been the one to win him. But by seeking God instead of this guy’s attention, she knew that if he ever went for her, it would be God. She trusted God so much, that she was willing to ignore any natural desires to encourage a relationship, and to believe that if it was God’s will, He would make it happen, and if it wasn’t, she wanted to be close enough to God that she’d be content with that.
       Today, she’s happily married to that man and she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was God’s will. She trusted God enough to leave it completely in His hands, and He blessed it.
         Her husband told her later that one of the reasons he noticed her, was because she wasn’t a flirt. He noticed that she wasn’t seeking attention from guys, or trying to make him notice her, and he knew, that if she wasn’t flirting with guys now, then she wouldn’t be flirting with men after they were married. He knew that if a young woman is constantly seeking the company of young men, then when she’s a married woman, she’s going to be seeking the attention of other men.
     Today, they have a Christ-centered, God-honoring, and love-filled relationship. It’s not about them, it’s all about glorifying God, and it shows.

After seeing the fruit of her patience and seeing how God blessed her actions, I made a list of a few things we can learn from her relationship.

1. Trust God. We don’t see it this way normally, but when we strive to get a guy’s attention, we’re really saying that we don’t trust God to do it for us. If a man is attracted to you because of something you do to get his attention, then you probably don’t want him. Because there will always be a woman who can flirt better than you. If you win him with your own actions, other woman will be able to distract him later. Let God be the one to convince your future husband to notice you.

2. Use your natural God-given female desires and attractions to drive you towards God. When you’re tempted to dress a certain way to please a guy, or talk a certain way, or behave a certain way, channel those towards God. Dress, talk, and act in such a way to please God. We are the bride of Christ, and as His bride, there is no greater joy, than to live in such a way to please and bring pleasure to God.

3. Look for a man that doesn’t flirt with other girls. If you see a guy who’s always at the center of a group of girls, or always seems to be visiting with girls, remember that he’ll probably be talking with other women, and be the center of other women’s attention after he’s married as well.

4. Be patient. Maybe, the reason God hasn’t brought a man into your life yet, is because you’re not ready, or maybe, the man God has for you is going through something that God knows will make him a better husband and spiritual leader. Maybe by making you wait, God is making your future much better. Do you trust His timing?

5. A truly lovely marriage, is worth waiting for. Yes, there are lots of men you could marry, and if you’re both Christians, you can make it work, but waiting for God’s BEST for you, is worth the wait. If my friend had flirted with this guy, and won him herself, or scared him away, and ended up with someone else, she wouldn’t be enjoying the fruit of a godly marriage. And I know she’d say this over and over, “It’s worth the wait.”