18 Excuses for NOT Having a Valentine Date.

         As a single young woman, I do, on occasion, have people ask me if I have a boyfriend. And the answer is, no, not yet. I'm waiting for God to bring the right man into my life, and until then, I'm serving God where He's placed me.
         But people still ask. If you're a single young woman of marriageable age, you've probably had some sweet older woman say something like . . . "I have a grandson you should meet!" Or "Why don't you have a date yet?"
         As a joke, I put together a list of 18 excuses for not having a date. Some of them could be true . . . other ones are just funny! But either way, I hope you enjoy this list.
 
1. His great-great-great-great grandfather died at the Alamo . . . before getting married. So, my date never had a chance to be born.

2. He rebelled against God, and now he’s in jail.

3. He was aborted.

4. He’s overseas in the military.

5. My date became a missionary to Iraq, and was beheaded for his faith.

6. His family didn’t want to let God give them all the children they were supposed to have, so they quit with four kids. He would have been number five.

7. He married the wrong girl.

8. God wanted me to be an old-maid.

9. He’s in a university getting his doctorate.

10. He’s fighting cancer and doesn’t have time to think about girls.

11. He’s looking for a Miss-America type perfect girl . . . which obviously isn’t me.

12. He’s too busy playing video games to realize that real life still exists.

13. His grandma hasn’t met me yet.

14. He thought I’d say no, so he didn’t ask, went into depression, and now he’s on drugs.

15. He’s waiting till he has a house and job.

16. He’s afraid of my dad. :)

17. He thinks my family is crazy.

18. He hasn’t learned English yet.

Writer's humor!

  Being an author is stressful at times, but as long as you can still laugh at yourself it's not too bad.

    I came across some writer's jokes that I wanted to share. This first one, you may have to be a writer to laugh at, but I thought it was funny!

   1.    An aspiring writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is—”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called? What did he say?”


   2. There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

3. A  hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.


4. Q. What's the difference between writers and the rest of the world?
A. You can negotiate with the rest of the world.


5. A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"

"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."



   

Today Is . . .

NATIONAL Strawberry Day!!!!

And actually, it's also National polar bear day as well!

I can understand this being polar bear day since the weather is still cold, but whoever named this national strawberry day didn't live in northern Minnesota! With snow and ice everywhere, I haven't seen any strawberry plants growing lately. 

I don't know who decides what day it is, but regardless of what people say, today is not just a national day. It's not just an International day. Today is a universal day that the Lord hath made! We should REJOICE and be GLAD in it!!!!!! So if you want to get a bowl of strawberries with cream and watch out for polar bears go ahead! Just remember to REJOICE!!!!! :) :)

My Super Power!

   I've been asked a few times what my super power is, and I normally respond with a blank look and a "Huh?".
   But the other day, I was helping Mom with some decorations, and I discovered my super-power! I CAN SEE INVISIBLE THINGS!

       I don't know if you can see it or not, since the package said it was invisible, but I can see it! It's invisible tape, but I can see it!!!! :) :) :) :)

Okay, so invisible tape isn't really invisible, but it did get me thinking. I can't see the invisible, but my God can see the invisible. He can see the invisible things, and He can see the things that we think are invisible to others. Those things that we do when we're alone. The things we do in the silence of our own minds. God sees it. God knows all about it, and God cares. So do what's right because God can see the invisible. 

A joke . . .

   So I've been sick this last week. Fevers, headaches, strep throat . . . you get the picture. I'm feeling much better today, but one of the days I was sick and felt like they should stick me in a sarcophagus, I was telling my family about a joke I want them to pull at my funeral. It got me thinking about different jokes I had heard and I thought I would share this one with you.

      A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today Is my first day driving a cab... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

A 'not so practical' joke. . .

      Earlier this year, a certain cousin of mine showed me an AWESOME trick to play on people. :):) (I'll have a picture of it at the bottom, but if you don't like pain . . . scroll with caution:)

      That night, Mom was gone, so I texted her a picture of it. . . the problem was, she actually believed me. Looking back, it's probably NOT a good idea to try to convince your mom that you accidentally stuck a needle through your finger, when you really didn't. That was NOT a very mature thing to do. . . yet if we never tease anyone and we never tell jokes and laugh, and we're perfectly mature all the time, is that really showing maturity?

       My theory is this . . . Maturity is knowing when you're allowed to be immature. :) So trying to convince an adult that you're hurt . . . well, it's not a very mature thing to do. (Remember the little boy who cried wolf?)




       All that being said, I have to share with you the 'illusion' that I was shown. Just don't go and use it on the wrong person . . .

    It's actually two pieces of pencil led, (like you might get out of a mechanical pencil) pressed on either side of my finger until they were stuck. A drop of food coloring, and the lighting that made it look swollen and . . . presto . . . you have a semi-convincing needle-through-the-finger look.

Blond vs. Blonde. . . and this isn't a joke:)

       Have you ever been writing a description of someone and been unsure of whether to use 'blond', or 'blonde' when describing their hair color? Well, hopefully this will help you keep them straight!

       In older English, and even today in French, and European English, 'blond' always refers to a male, and 'blonde' always refers to a female. Similarly, a brunet, is a man, and a brunette, is a woman. However things have changed in our American/Canadian English writings. You may have noticed that in books now days, 'blond' is often the only word used while the word 'blonde' is rarely seen. Since our culture is trying to get away from the fact that there is only male and female, they've begun to drop the distinct difference between the two words.
      So, to be politically 'correct' you would use 'blond' at all times unless it's a noun referring to a woman, then you use 'blonde'. To be grammatically correct, you use 'blond' for a man/boy and 'blonde' for a woman/girl.

         And since this is a 'blonde/blond' post, I figured we better end it with some 'blonde' jokes.:)

   
         A blonde was pulled over for speeding, and the officer asked to see her license. She replied with a huff. . . "When are you guys going to get your act together? Yesterday one of you guys took my license away, and now you want me to show it to you!"

       If a blonde and a brunette both fell of a building, who would hit the ground first? The brunette. The blonde would have to stop for directions.

        How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

      A brunette goes to her doctor and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," he says. "Show me." She presses her finger on her elbow and screams in agony, then pushes her knee and screams, then her ankle, and so on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor asks her if she's really a brunette. She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "Thought so," he says. "Your finger's broken."

You Know You're a Writer When...

  So here's a random list of 'you know you're a writer when' quotes that I've collected over the years... Some of them aren't true for everyone, but I hope they give you a good laugh. :)

     You Know You're a Writer When...

           1. You turn to your sister in a store with a gasp and say... "That man who just walked past... he looks exactly like my villian!"

           

           2. When you have at least twelve notebooks full of nothing but ideas and plot bunnies...

           3. When you know what a plot bunny is.:)

           4. When you drive your family crazy with a word count on every page.

           5. When you make up personalities and histories for people you see at the grocery store.

           6. When you flinch after hearing someone use an unnecessary adverb, but then relax because you realize it is just dialogue and therefore acceptable.

           7. When your Christmas/Birthday list consists of notebooks, pens, bookshelves, pencils, and sticky notes.

           8. When people ask you why you're acting weird and you just smile and say, "I'm acting out a scene in my next story."

           9. When you wake up in the middle of the night and have to get up to write down your latest story idea before you forget it.

          10. When you have dreams in which you're the hero.

          11. When you research weird, off-the-wall stuff. (Like how far can you go with a collapsed lung.)

          12. When you talk about your characters as if they were real people.

          13. When your mom tells you to write a paper on the French Revolution and you hand in an eleven page story from a fashion-obsessed-French-girl's point of view who manages to explain  the politics with her ever-changing wardrobe.

          14. When you get excited about someone editing your book and returning it covered in red ink.

          15. When you walk by someone's porch and think... 'That would be a good place for a fight...'

          16. When you spend more time pouring over baby name books, than most parents ever do.

          17. You're to busy writing to stop for supper.

          18. When you want to break a window with a specific flashlight, just to see if it would work in your next book.

          19. When you threaten to put annoying people in your next book as the villain.

          20. When you read the above sentences and nod your head saying "Yep...yep...yep."

A Few Qoutes About Writing, (and one that reminds people of me)

This last one someone sent to me and told me it reminded them of me.:)